I had somewhat of an epiphany this morning, if I can use the word in a broad sense. In my pre-John relationships, such as the one with Nick that I thoroughly documented on this site before my site went down, I battled daily with insecurity. I never felt adequate and I never trusted the guy. I made myself crazy and in the process drove others crazy with my insecurity. I realized this morning that I am no longer that insecure person. Since John entered my life, I am not even a shadow of who I used to be. For the first time in my life, I trust a man completely. To me, that is the beauty of marriage--complete security in another human being.
Marriage is by no means a smooth ride every day. John and I have had our angry moments where we've both questioned what we were thinking when we agreed to this union. I've cried, he's sulked; I've yelled, he's given me the silent treatment; we've slept on opposite sides of the bed and once in different rooms entirely. We've broken the rule about letting the sun set on our anger and we've both learned what it means to take for granted and to be taken for granted. But ultimately, neither of us doubt that our hearts have found their home, and that is where our marriage has been a success.
At its best, marriage is a fulfillment of many Biblical promises. For me, the one that stands out most this morning after my epiphany is Jeremiah 29:11--"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Through John, God has given me a hopeful future. A hopeful future is not a "happily ever after" future, but it is a future that I look forward to because God is in control of all of the uncertainities and I can trust Him even more than I trust John. Marriage in its ideal form is analogous to the relationship that Christians have with their Creator. Any good that I have in my marriage is even better in my relationship with God. As John and I grow closer and deepen our trust in each other, our closeness with God and trust in Him is also deepening because we see His reflection in each other.
Posted by Kim at October 3, 2005 09:17 AM