Raggedy Ann

She sat in a field of crab grass and buttercups. Six years old but as wise as a girl three times her age. She put her head down between her scraped knees and stared at the little yellow flowers underneath her legs. Pale yellow reflections on her pale white skin, shadowed by her bruised cheek and unwashed brown hair. Tears no longer came, even when she wished they would. They would be a welcome release to the weight inside of her. On her left side, a Raggedy Ann doll, stained and worn with grass blades framing her body. This doll that shared her name was her most prized possession. In fact, it's her only possession to speak of. The last and only gift she received from her grandmother before the old woman passed away; the last and only gift she received before her father left and her mother started drinking too much. She missed her friend Jesse. His mother won't let him come out and play anymore. They used to go in the woods and pretend it was their kingdom. She was the queen and he was the king. They had charge over all the plants and insects and birds and squirrels and even over the elusive chipmunks that ran in the underbrush between the trees and rocks. But then her mommy said some words that little girls and boys shouldn't hear, and his mommy wouldn't let him around anyone in that brown house next door anymore. She plucked a buttercup and twirled it by her knee. Her eyes squinted as she raised her head towards the sun. She turned her head slighty and saw her house in the periphery. An ominous cloud seemed to always hover there, even when the sky was clear blue. She sighed, put the buttercup down, and laid back in the grass next to Raggedy Ann. She picked up her doll and looked into her expressionless eyes. Sometimes she wished she was Raggedy Ann. Quiet and aloof. Unable to be hurt or lonely or left empty-handed by life. She pulled the doll close to her chest and squeezed her eyes shut. The earth cooled her back and absorbed her sighs. She wished it would observe her breath. She could not yet see all that she was going to be and all the lives she would touch. She could only see the darkness that lurked even in the windows of her house. She slowly pushed herself up and walked towards her back door, Raggedy Ann dangling by an arm at her side. She would spend some more time in the fire before she was strong enough to find her own way out.