Purpose

I have a plaque in my office that reads, "May you live all the days of your life." To me, this is a reminder to enjoy life and be present in each moment so that I can make the most of my limited time here. The problem is, I find that difficult to do when I spend so many hours of the day at work and I cannot seem to find a job that is a good fit. I am reading Kelly Minter's book, Water into Wine. She reflects about her own career and mentions that her sister loves the 9 to 5 schedule whereas she herself perfers more flexibility in her schedule. For Minter, 9 to 5 seems like a prison. I can kind of relate to where she's coming from. One aspect of my current job that I like is that I can usually leave work when it is still light outside, even in the winter. At my last job, this was not the case. But even so, I feel like it is complete drudgery for me to have wake up at the same time every day, go through basically the same routine, and go to sleep only to have it all start over again. It's for this reason that I often fantasize about becoming a famous writer and making my own hours (never mind the lack of realism in such a fantasy for someone who lacks the talent). What interests me about Minter's story, however, is that she says even with her artsy job and odd hours, she still often feels like her life is "stale." This is a wake-up call for me and my silly fantasies that somehow life would be great if I was my own boss and could make my own hours. Life can still seem stale and old even if I am doing exactly what I want to do. So this leaves me with the same conclusion that I come to over and over again--anything that I do will leave me empty, only God has the power to fulfill me. As far as what this means for me in terms of a career, I am not sure. I may spend my whole life bouncing around or I may figure out where I belong. I have prayed about where I belong since high school when I was first trying to figure out what to tell colleges my future plans entailed. And I still don't have a clear answer. But maybe in my life God isn't as concerned with what I do for a living as He is with how I do it. Or maybe He is concerned with the what, too, but it is not time for the what to be made clear. I am impatient, but His patience is infinite and His timing is certainly different that what mine would be. For my situation right now, it is probably best if I switch my daily focus to the how and continue to seek His will for the what. Part of living every day of my life means letting God move me when I am uncertain of where to move myself.