Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. --1 Peter 5:8
There is a student at my school who I sometimes I really think is a messanger of Satan. She has this thing where she sits in the lobby of the counseling office waiting for her counselor. When I walk out, she stops whatever she was doing or saying, follows me with her eyes and then starts laughing like a hyena when I walk away. It's happened more than once. I am almost twice her age, but whenever she does this, I want to punch her. I don't. I ignore her because I know she wants me to react, but I get back to my office fuming that someone could be so rude and wondering what is so laughable about me? Even though I shouldn't let her, she gets me angry and frustrated. She is like all of my childhood social trauma reincarnate and back to make me feel incompetent and worthless all over again. And because she reminds me of my childhood, I want to react like a child. I want to call her stupid, and certainly much worse, but the part of me that remembers my age and position doesn't want her to know she has any effect on me at all.
Even if this student doesn't know it, Satan is using her to make me want to walk away from any good that I may be doing at my job. He's using her to throw me off track, and on days like today when I'm exhausted before this girl even begins her heckling. Satan knows when I am at my weakest and he places the pieces on the board that are most apt to make me believe his lies at the time that I'm most apt to be receptive. Sometimes he gets the best of me, but as a challenging as it is and as hurtful as his ploys are, I must stand firm in the power of the Lord. I must be alert and ready for the enemy's attacks, knowing that the attacks will most certainly come. As I'm standing firm, I must remember who I am and who I am not. Satan is filled with lies (John 8:44) and distortions. If I believe his perception of who I am, I am believing a lie and then I am no better off than those who laugh at others' expense. The closer I am to seeing the truth, the more powerful the attacks against me will get because Satan is afraid he's losing his grip. Someone once said to me during a particularly difficult season of my life, "Don't let him win." I vowed to her that I would not, and I stand by that vow today even though I had to use everything I have this afternoon to overcome the temptation to give in to my anger and hurt feelings. I am certainly not going to let a heckler be the one who takes me down. Let her laugh. I know who I am in Christ and that is all that matters.
Posted by Kim at May 9, 2006 04:58 PM