Memory is a funny thing. Life changes and we move with it, but, barring any mental defect such as amnesia, we cannot completely delete the memory of where we've been. We may try to outrun our past, but it follows us in our aching scars. Or, we may try to pursue our past, not because it is better, but because we want to hide from our anxieties of the different present. And some days our past startles us, leaving us with a dazed "just seen a ghost" expression on our unsuspecting faces.
Do our memories live in us or do we live in our memories? I have walked down many paths. Some windy and overgrown, others straight and clear. I have carried a piece of each path with me, and I have left a piece of myself on each place where I have trod. I have been known to confuse the past and the present, thinking that old friendships on which I used to lean are still there for me or that old habits on which I used to rely for a release will still work. Then I remember that I am not who I was, they are not who they were, and time and life can warp so much that people and things no longer fit together as neatly as they did before.
I don't know if I walk the roads in my mind for learning or longing or comfort or simple nostalgia. I don't know if I choose to walk through the past, or if the past seeks me out and gives me no choice but to remember. I do know that somehow we find each other in song lyrics, old photographs, and too much thinking on a lazy Saturday afternoon.
I also know that the tool of memory is crucial to our spiritual growth and walk with God. While He remembers our sins no more (Jeremiah 31:34), God calls us to remember Him. In Revelation 3:3, we are warned, "Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you." If we are always looking back, we fail to make the most of the present for God's glory. If we never look ahead, we may not remember that He will return and hold us even more accountable than our memories do for everywhere we've been.
Posted by Kim at June 3, 2006 10:53 AM