Use the Pain

Now that I'm in a larger house and have more space, my mom has been slowly dropping off boxes of my stuff that had been sitting in the attic at her house. As I was going through one box from college, I came across some index cards on which I had written some inspiring quotations as part of my counseling. On one of these cards I wrote, "The richness and quality of our lives depends not on pain or the lack of it, but on how we use it." I didn't write down where I got this quote from, but when I read these words again this week years after I first wrote it on the card, I was struck again by the statement's truth.

We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. --Romans 5:3-5

When we are faced with pain we have three choices: we can let the pain break us, we can squelch the pain and have it resurface later in an even worse way, or we can turn the pain over to God and let Him use it to change us. As humans, I think our natural tendency is to try to avoid pain and suffering because it's easier to hide from pain than to face it head on. But God has never called us to the easy path. Pain is an inherent part of living in a fallen world with fallen people. God calls us not to run from pain, but to change our perspective about the pain. If we see pain as bad, we will continue to run from it, but if we see pain as an opportunity for growth, we can learn to embrace it. When we walk through our pain with God, we cannot help but come out on the other side as stronger people. Pain can enrich our lives if we let it. Since we are going to have to face pain anyway, we are better off embracing it and learning from it so that our lives can be fuller and our faith can grow as we watch God turn our pain into something beautiful.

Yearnings and Glitches

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. --Philippians 3:13-14

I love this verse because of the clear and concise way in which Paul describes how our walks with Christ should and should not look. We should be walking with a sharp focus on our goal; we should not be walking with our heads turned around looking back at the past. If I am looking back at my past with longing, I am missing chances to grow and receive God's blessing in my life today. Change is difficult for human beings, but our race can only be run forward. We are trapped by time and cannot move backwards. If we aren't moving ahead towards our goal, we are stagnating. Stagnating Christians are benefiting neither God nor themselves and certainly not the non-believers who are looking on.

In a similar way, I am not beneifiting anyone if I'm constantly lamenting my past. I think that most of us have some event or events in our past that we would like to redo a little differently. I have talked to some women who describe a time period in their past as their "rebellious phase." I certainly had a phase like this as well, but I look back at that phase in my life as a glitch in my past--a time period where I was acting in a way that was out of character for me and inconsistent with how I've lived the rest of my life. This glitch does not define me or who I am in Christ. If I spend my time looking back and regretting my my past, I am missing out on all that God has in store for me today and tomorrow. The past is done, and God forgets all about it as soon as I repent, so I need to forget about it, too. Or, if I can't forget about it, then I need to learn from it and move forward from it rather than setting up camp right in the middle of yesterday.

Circumstancial Evidence

You would think that at some point along my walk as a Christian, I would learn to look past my circumstances and remember that no matter what I see in front of and beside me, God is still God. In the book I am studying with the women's group at my church, Max Lucado's He Still Moves Stones, Max writes in chapter 18 about how imagines what Joseph might have been feeling the night that Jesus was born. He imagines Joseph praying and wondering at how different the birth of the Messiah was from what Joseph had envisioned--a barn on a haystack instead of a nice room on a comfortable bed, alone instead of surrounded by friends and family. A manger was no way for a king to enter the world, and Max ponders that this scene in his life was unfolding much more differently than what Joseph would have envisioned.

This chapter struck a chord with me because of the way so much of my life has unfolded lately, or, actually, if I'm going to be completely honest, how my life has unfolded pretty much since I left the womb. God often moves in my life in ways that I never would have anticipated just as He did in Joseph's life on the night that Jesus was born. And like Joseph, I often find myself looking around dumbfounded with only the question of "huh?" on my lips. Satan likes to take that "huh?" response to the circumstances around us and use it to drive us away from God. Satan wants us to believe in the reality of our own thoughts rather than the sovereignty of God. In response to our "huh?" Satan says, "Let's look at this logically. The facts of the situation show that God either doesn't care about you at all or he is completely insane. Wouldn't you be better off on your own?" Satan wants us to run away from the God we should be serving.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." --Isaiah 55:8-9

The huge call of faith in our daily lives is to trust that God knows better than us. His thoughts and His ways may not make sense to us, but that is because His thoughts and His ways are far larger than what our minds can comprehend and far better than that for which our sinful hearts could hope. The challenge of being a Christian is perservering on our walks even when the road we're on seems completely illogical. If we had it our way, the path would be straight and free of thorns that might hurt us on the way. Faith calls us to trust in the goodness of God's ways regardless of our present circumstances. God does not put twists or thorns in our path without purpose and we can trust that every one of those twists and every sharp thron is placed there so that we can grow and glorify Him. And much to our chagrin, the biggest glory for God and the most profound growth for us rarely comes from the easiest path.

Dignity

I took a break from writing over my spring break, but I am happy to be back in action today. Mostly I used my break from work to relax and avoid the computer since I normally sit in front of one for 8 hours a day. I did take some opportunity for self-reflection over the break, and one of the more interesting of these opportunities arose during a phone conversation with a friend. My friend told me that every time he passes a homeless person on the streets of DC, he not only stops to give the person a few dollars, but he asks the person to share his/her story with him. My friend put it as him trying to get his money's worth, but I see it as him offering dignity to the overlooked and outcast members of society.

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' --Matthew 25:40

When I was in college, I spent one of my spring breaks on a short-term missions trip to DC with the Intervarsity Christian Fellowship on my campus. We were told when we arrived not to give money to the homeless but that we could buy food for them and talk to them. In fact, one of our assignments was to talk to one homeless person and get his/her story, just like my friend told me that he does on his own. This was a huge step out of my comfort zone since I have always been one to avoid eye contact entirely with those asking for my money on the street. Still, to this day, I remember very clearly the face of the man that me and a couple of my friends talked to--even more clearly than I can remember the faces of some of those friends who were by my side when we talked to him.

At our cores, I think all of us want our stories to be heard. We want to be listened to without agenda or judgment. The least among us deserve the same dignity and respect as the grandest. As much as I would like to say that I changed my ways after my experience with that homeless man in college, I still look the other way. I'm scared to give money because I don't know what it will be used for and I'm too rushed to buy food on the spot. I have no problem collecting money or food with my church and giving at a distance, but my friend's story reminded me that sometimes I need to step out of my comfort zone and be with the least of our society the same way I would choose to be with those in my own socioeconomic sphere. Jesus did this all the time, and He has instructed us to be hands-on Christians just as He was.

Path of Life

You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
--Psalm 16:11

In the study I am doing on Max Lucado's book, He Still Moves Stones, Max writes about how we walk through this life blind. We do not know where we are going or what the future holds. God is guiding us, but we are easily distracted by all the other noise around us. Max is right. Sometimes it is hard to focus on God's voice when our society, our colleagues, and even our friends and family tell us to go different directions. We have to filter out so much noise to hear God's still small voice whispering to us.

Through all of the chaos and mixed messages of the world, God has given us the path of life. What great news for all of us blind people! God is with us to show us the right way to go. From my experience, the best way to discern God's will within the mess of our daily lives is to faithfully stay in God's word. His word is where He has laid out the path of life. Logic tells us that we can't recognize the voice of someone we don't know. Reading and meditating on His word and maintaining an active prayer life is how we get to know God and how we learn to pick His voice out of the noise around us.

When we invite God into all areas of our lives, we will learn to stay on the path of life. On the path of life we will find a deeper joy and peace than we could ever have imagined--far deeper than the superficial and transient happiness that the world offers. The path of life is not an easy road, but when walk it our joy and peace follow us into our pain. Our joy and peace are part of our eternal experience, holy side effects of staying in God's presence. And that is what God wants for us. He wants us to walk with Him on the path of life and feel the joy of being in His presence today. Our joy with Him now gives us a glimpse of heaven while we're still on earth and some days that is all the hope we need to persevere.

Boldness

A friend of mine emailed me about an experience he had yesterday while sitting outisde in an open shopping center watching people walk by him. He described a car driving by with raunchy music blaring from the radio, scantily clad girls parading around seeking attention, and young men arrogantly strutting down the walkway. He also noticed a father holding the hand of his young daughter, walking quietly in the shade without any of the attention-seeking behavior of some of the surrounding crowd. My friend's email ended with this provocative question: "Why do you think the darkness presses on with force while the light seems to hide in the shade?"

From scripture, the verse that immediately comes to mind is Ephesians 5:8, "For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light." This means, courageously stepping out of the shadows to shine in front of the world (Matthew 5:16). I say courageously, because it is definitely easier to hide in the shade than to spring out into the center of the action. When we hide, we avoid conflict. The biggest threat to the darkness is light. Nobody confronts us or persecutes us when we are hiding our light because we are not a threat until we stop hiding.

My friend's question really comes down boldness for Christ. Boldness is not just about being seen, it's about being heard. I can recall many times in the Bible when God's people are shouting, both for joy and for victory over an enemy. Shouting--not cowering in a corner hoping to go unnoticed, but in the streets shouting for everyone to hear [in fact, when I typed the word "shout" into a Bible search engine, the word appeared 59 times in the New International Version, and that is not including the many variations of the word suchs as shouts (19 times), shouted (53 times), and shouting (27 times)]. God did not call His people to blend into the background. He wants us to be heard above the noise of the world. He wants us to step out of the shadows for His glory, rather than hide to protect ourselves.

I think too often protecting ourselves our biggest focus. We want to blend in with the world, but God wants us to stand out. We want to be safe, but God wants us to be fearless (the phrases do not fear and do not be afraid come up quite a bit in the Bible as well!). In our myopic vision, we don't recognize that by hiding our light and remaining quiet while the world happily carries on the status quo of depravity, we are helping Satan's cause rather than Christ's. Christ wants us to stir up trouble in the world. He sure did, and He calls us to follow His example. Let's step out of the shade and into the center of the chaotic and fallen world that so desparately needs to see our light and hear our shouting.

Who are you trying to impress?

I stumbled across something interesting today about my family. My aunt wrote about my grandmother saying, "I always did what was expected of me," soon after my grandfather died. While my aunt goes deeper into the meaning behind this phrase, I am interested in the emphasis on image in her words. Who was she trying to impress, God or the world or was she aiming for both? I am curious about it because the focus on image has definitely been passed down through the generations, and I find myself falling into the trap of wanting to look good in front of the world, sometimes at the expense of being real with the world. Certainly behaviors and values are passed down by families, but I also think in many ways that this concern with doing what is expected is very much the way that women have traditionally been socialized in our culture. In my grandma's day, it was expected that women were good housewives with clean houses, well-fed families, and well-behaved children. In our day, women are expected to be all that as well as ambitious and successful outside of the home. Christian women may feel like they have even more expectations to meet because we are also called to be Christ's ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20). If we always do what is expected of us, we are bound to go crazy in trying to meet everyone's expectations. Something has to give.

The key question that we must ask ourselves is whose expectations are most important to us--who are we trying hardest to impress? Is it God? Is it our husband and/or our children? Is it our friends? Is it the parents of our children's friends? Is it our colleagues at work? Whose opinion matters most and how do we show that with our actions?

If we are placing anyone's opinon of us or expectations for us above God's, then we cannot expect our representation of Christ to be true. When we put the world's view above God's, we are adulterers because we are looking outside our covenant relationship with God for validation and fulfillment (James 4:4). When we invite the world in to meet these needs that only God can fully meet in our lives, we are implying that God is not enough and that His opinion of us isn't as important as what other people think. Try as we might, we cannot look to the world for approval at the same time that we are looking to God for approval. We simply cannot call ourselves God's friend if we are living for the world instead of for Him. The good news is that God does care about our husband, children, and career apsirations, and we can be successful in those areas while still serving Him. And even better news is that if we are living to meet His expectations, we will find that we are actually better at being a wife, mother, and career woman than if we were focusing our attention on those goals instead of God. But we have to keep Him first. We have to live to impress Him and not worry so much about whether or not we are impressing others in the process.

Distracted

Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. --Ephesians 5:15-17

I truly believe that distraction is one of Satan's favorite ways to keep Christians from doing the work of God. In our society, distraction is one of the easiest and most accessible tools that Satan has available to him. Most of us live such fast-paced and activity-filled lives, that we can easily fall into Satan's trap of believing that we don't have the time to read the Bible or pray every day. We believe that it's quicker for us to call the shots rather than to pray and wait for God to direct our path. In our fast-food, expressway lifestyle, who has time to wait on God?

Obviously, the better question is who has time to run this race without God? See, the problem is that when we are too distracted to make time for God and we begin to call the shots for ourselves, we usually end up in a mess that only God can untangle and this untangling process often takes more time than if we had just sought God's will in the first place. There is no earthly measure that could help us understand the precious time we waste by doing things our way instead of God's. Even if we can count the hours we spend in front of the TV instead of out ministering to others, even if we can count the days that we allow our gifts to lie dormant when we could be using them for God's glory, even if we know how many minutes we spend on our commutes each day grumbling about traffic when we could be using the time to pray, our minds are too small to comprehend all that is lost from our idleness in the middle of our hectic schedules.

Make no mistake, Satan is laughing and clapping his hands when he sees how easily we are suckered away from our purpose. Even if we don't know, Satan knows full well all that is lost by our wasted time. He makes tick marks on his tally sheet for every opportunity to do good that we miss by falling into his trap of distraction. Our enemy knows how to push us on to the path of fools, and, let me assure you, that he is quite cunning in his methods. Satan knows how to disguise evil by twisting the truth just enough to make it a lie but not so much that it is clearly wrong so that even the well-meaning get led astray. He loves our American ideals which focus on materialism and on self rather than on love and God. He is so pervasive in our culture, that his messages have been imbedded into our unconscious so that we walk around with a sense of entitlement that has nothing to do with who God created us to be or what God created us to do.

We are called by God to live a life of purpose, a life focused on Him, His will, His kingdom, and His word. If we believe Satan that we are too busy for God and God's work, we are living as fools. If we stay focused and seek to keep God in the center of every moment, we are living as the wise. Satan wants us to be so busy that we run on auto-pilot and ignore the opportunties and adventure that God has in store for us each day. God wants us to stay awake and run towards His will rather than zig-zagging through the distractions.

I am Jonah

Work is getting to me again. I enjoy the students, but I don't feel as fulfilled as I think I should feel with my work. Actually, I would say that this lost, unfulfilled, searching feeling characterizes a lot of areas of my life. I have agreed with the assessment of others that my depression is partly related to unrealistic expectations. For instance, if I expected work to be dull and unfulfilling instead of satisying, maybe I wouldn't be so depressed that it wasn't something I looked forward to and felt called to.

Two days ago I was complaining about how I can't exercise like I want to because I'm in physical therapy for my knee and I'm not allowed to run on it yet. When I said this, my loving husband said, "Maybe God wants you to use the time you would normally spend at the gym for something else. Maybe you should write a book." There was no hesistation after the words left his mouth, I instantly burst into tears. Writing a novel was my childhood dream, and I have done everything in my power to avoid it. I started to cry because as soon as I said those words, all my fears swirled around me and over me like the waterfall waters that almost killed me in Grenada. Even though writing a novel has been the one thing I've always wanted to do, I have always--even in high school when I dropped out of my creative writing class as soon as it started--been too scared, too afraid of failure and rejection, to even attempt it. I got into education because it seemed like a good thing, and even more importantly, a safe thing to do. But as it turns out, I'm hiding just like Jonah in the belly of the fish.

Like Jonah, God has been tugging on my heart to do something, and my fears about the gift being inadequate are not a good excuse to hide from His calling. I may not be a good writer, but on the other hand, maybe my tears are proof enough that my heart is crying out for me to at least try. Not that I haven't tried before, but whenever I start to write a book I feel overwhelmed at the huge task ahead of me and then this paralyzing fear takes over and I am too blocked by it to continue to write.

Part of what makes me think that God is trying to get the message through to me to try again is that John is not the first person who has presented the book writing idea to me in the past month. In fact, he's the third. I believe that God sometimes uses people to help us find our way. My lack of lack of fulfillment and continuous restlessness in my professional life is another clue. I'm starting to understand that I'm not fulfilled because I'm basically living out a safer plan under the guise of "doing something good" for other people while I really avoid the one thing that might actually make me feel fulfilled. Jonah was also trying to play it safe and avoid the riskier plan God called him to when the fish swallowed him up and gave him time to think.

Right now, I feel like I am in the belly of a fish with nothing else to do but think and meditate on God's call on my life. Like Jonah, I've spent much of my time living in fear and running away from my call. Lately I've been feeling like my problem with my knee is God pushing me more forcefully onto a different path, just like He did with Jonah. God is reminding me that time is precious (Ephesians 5:16) and I have already wasted more than enough. Now I need to make the choice to stop spending my time for my own selfish and safe pursuits and start spending it on wildly pursuing whatever adventure God has planned for me.

Character

We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. --Romans 5:3-4

Simply put, character is the nature of a person. As His ambassadors, God wants us to have a Christ-like character and He wants to develop this in us. In the same way that the trials we face reveal our character based on how we respond, God uses the trials we face to teach us to rely more on Him. We could choose to go our own way, in which case our trials won't refine our character at all. But if we take our sufferings as proof that we simply cannot thrive without God's help, then we learn to persevere through the pain and trust God with every aspect of our lives.

Our sufferings are where the human meets the divine and our character is the result of what happens in this interaction. Pain and suffering is part of the human experience; the divine part of the equation is God's grace and power, both of which He is waiting to pour into our lives. Our character develops when we choose either to trust Him or to turn from Him--when we choose to take His usually longer and rougher road or when we seek the easy way out of our suffering. God wants to bless us, but He also wants to refine us. Through our suffering, He can ultimately do both, and we will find this truth in the character He develops in us during our pain.

Idle Talk

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. --Ephesians 5:3-4

God created us each as unique individuals. He wants us to embrace the unique gifts He gave us and use them for His purposes. Yet, He still holds all of us to the same standards of conduct. Our individuality is not a justification to live life our way without regard for God's precepts. The standards He hold us to include purity, generosity, and thanksgiving. He does not expect us to achieve any of these apart from Him, but He does expect us to call on Him to help us strive for less impurity, less greed, and less foolish talk in our lives.

God warns us about our words and conversations repeatedly in the Bible. We often take words for granted and toss them around carelessly, but God wants us to understand the weight that our words carry. Several years ago I read in a book that sin begins in the mind, moves to the lips, and then consumates in our actions. When we fail to guard our words, we are clearing the path for sin to grow in our lives.

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. --Ephesians 5:11-12

A lot of women (and even many of the men) I know have at one point or another in their lives engaged in gossip, and I certainly struggle with this myself. Some Christians pass the gossip on as "prayer requests." Others try to sell the gossip as something they are sharing out of concern for the other person when really it is just judgement and idle words. God will make the truth known, that is not our job. The Bible is clear that we should not sit around a table sharing the secrets of our acquaintances over drinks. If we know something about someone and we want to hold them accountable, we should start by directly and privately confronting the person about their sin rather than by spreading their sin all over town. Before we try to justify our judgement-casting, we should also confront ourselves and our own motivation. We should not lie to ourselves about the truth--gossip is without doubt a fruitless deed of darkness.

Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. --Ephesians 5:15-17

Our time on earth is at a premium. Any day that we waste or opportunity to do good that we miss is lost forever. When we recognize our days as gifts to reinvest in God's kingdom, we realize that idle conversation doesn't just waste our time, it wastes God's time, too. When we are with our friends, we have an opportunity to invest in their lives; to listen to their struggles; to encourage, lift up and pray with them; to love them as God loves us. If we choose to use our time with our friends to gossip instead of inviting God into our conversations, we are living as the unwise.

Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. --Ephesians 5:19-20

Anybody who has been spoken to with harsh words knows how those words can sting and stick with us. In the same way, positive and uplifting words can implant themselves in the hearts of those who hear. Our words are not to be tossed around. Our words are to be used to plant seeds of light, truth, praise, thanksgiving, and love. God has been convicting me of the way I use my words, and He's been revealing the truth about what I say. The enemy would have us use words that waste time, hurt, and break down. God calls us to use words that praise, heal, and encourage growth.

Too Much Baggage

John and I moved into our new house last weekend (still waiting on the old house to sell!). We've spent a good deal of the past week unpacking boxes. I put the master bedroom boxes off as long as I could, mainly because the job seemed overwhelming. At our former house, I essentially had 2 1/2 closets to myself. Even though our new house is bigger, we would like to consilidate and keep all of our clothes in one room, which meant that I had to find space in my one closet for 7 large boxes of stuff. To say I was intimidated would be putting it mildly. Now, the interesting part is that I unpacked three suitcases worth of clothing the first night after our move. I had been surviving just fine on the clothes from these three suitcases, using the still-packed boxes as tables to rest hairbrushes, scissors, and my gym bag. To most bystanders, it would make sense to question what I needed with those 7 extra boxes of clothes. Granted, some of them were filled with warmer weather clothes and shoes, but some simply held more sweaters and sweatshirts and other winter attire. Yesterday, our pastor talked about the poor at church, and coming back to our house after that sermon, it became clear to me that I have an absolutely obscene amount of stuff.

God has blessed me with tremendous wealth. Not wealth like Tom Cruise or Jennifer Aniston, but the same kind of wealth that most Americans take for granted. God has blessed us with a beautiful home, two cars (and we both work at the same place!), and an abundance of clothes and other possessions. We have a warm bed to sleep in at night and hot water in our showers in the morning. Between the two of us, we have four televisions, three DVD players, two surround sound systems, three computers, countless DVD's, VHS tapes, and CD's, a pantry and a refridgerator overflowing with food, and more blankets than will comfortbaly fit into our linen closet. When I stepped back yesterday and looked at all that we own that I take for granted, I was sickened. By America's standards, we aren't even considered wealthy, we're considered middle class. Yet we moved into our new house with an obnoxious excess of baggage that most of the world's population could not even imagine. Who am I to ever go to God asking for more when I have far more than my share already? I must seem so disgustingly ungrateful to Him. Pages could be written about why it's difficult for the rich to enter God's kingdom (Matthew 19:24). I won't try to tackle that issue here other than to say that living in our society of excess, it's easy to get so distracted by what you don't have that you forget to be thankful for what you do have.

On this note, I finally decided to start opening the boxes in the bedroom with my name on them. I emptied two boxes that the box company labeled "extra large" and began to fill them with clothes and shoes that I had no business hording any longer. We will drop these clothes off to AmVets this week. And because I have such an obscene amount of stuff, I don't expect to feel the loss too sorely if at all. I am awed that God would bless me with so much knowing how despicably ungrateful my heart would be towards the abundance. I live in a society of more, more, more, but that is no excuse for my own greed. Christians are called to live God's way, not the world's way (1 Peter 2:11). God has given me much, and I don't want to be blind to His blessings. I want Him to use all He has given me for His kingdom and His purposes--for His glory and not mine. Jesus said, "Much is required from those to whom much is given, and much more is required from those to whom much more is given" (Luke 12:48). God has given me much, much more than what I need. As long as He chooses to bless me, I want to thank Him for it and pray that I would be increasignly open to opportunities to return to Him what He has given to me by blessing others in His name.

Stepping out on faith....

For we walk by faith, not by sight. --2 Corinthians 5:7

We are told to walk by faith not be sight. To be guided by the truth we believe in rather than by what we can tangibly experience. But how do we know when we are stepping out on stupidity instead of faith? When we make big decisions listening to our heart, what if what we think is coming from the pure part of our hearts where God whispers to us is actually coming from the worldly, blind part of who we are that listens to the world's lies more than God's truth? The simple answer is to compare what we think we are being led to do with God's word. The simple answer is to pray for guidance and discernment. The difficult part of this process is learning to recognize the guidance when it comes. We must empty ourselves when we seek answers from God so that we can be guided only by His influence rather than our own falleness. We must open ourselves to whatever answer He provides so that we do not catch ourselves listening only for the answer we want to hear. When we are dead set on a certain path, it's so easy for us to be closed to God's tugs in a different direction. Sometimes when we don't listen, He lets us learn by falling. Other times, when we step out in the face of all the obstacles we see trusting in His guidance, He parts the seas or stills the waves for us to pass on untouched. When we step out on faith, He may show us miracle we would have missed if we let the fear of falling keep us from taking the first steps.

Vote Tomorrow

When there is moral rot within a nation, its government topples easily. But with wise and knowledgeable leaders, there is stability. --Proverbs 28:2

Tomorrow is a big election day in Maryland. We have the opportunity to vote for our governor as well as many other state and national officials. I was raised to believe that voting is not only a privilege of living in a free, democratic nation--a privilege that many Americans take for granted--but also a civic duty. Even beyond a civic duty, however, I also believe that we Christians have a moral and spiritual responsibility to vote for leaders who uphold the principles on which our nation was founded and on which we ourselves rest each night.

Voting for wise, moral leaders is an ongoing responsibility that neither begins nor ends on election day. Come election day, we should not blindly check off boxes based strictly on party affiliation. As citizens and Christians, we have a responsibilty to educate ourselves about each candidate before we enter the polling place so that we can make informed choices. We act foolishly if we judge candidate only on party line or on claimed religious preferences. We shouldn't naively take anyone at their word, we should look for the fruit before making a choice (Galatians 5:22-23). If we hope our for our nation to remain under God's blessing, then we need to select leaders who we think best represent God's standards in action (not just in word).

We also must remember that regardless of the outcome of the election, our duty to our community, state, and nation continues beyond election day. We are commanded to pray for all those in authority (1 Timothy 2:2) on an ongoing basis, even if the leaders aren't those who we ourselves would have preferred. We are given this command for our sake and for the sake of our children whose future truly depends on the wisdom of our leaders and the stability of our government at every level. Don't take your responsibility lightly. Pray for discernment, read up on each candidate, and vote tomorrow.

Sacred Marriage

I have been engaged in an ongoing discussion with some friends about romantic relationships. One of my friends raised the issue of homosexual marriage. Unlike a lot of Christians, I'm not frightened of or completely put off by homosexuals. I had some very close, openly gay friends in college, and I appreciated them as individuals. Interestingly, this group of friends showed agape love in a much less muddled way than many of my straight friends. Do I think their sexual choices were morally right? No. I think the Bible is pretty clear on sexual sin of both the homosexual and the heterosexual variety.

As Christians, Jesus calls us to follow His example of hating the sin but loving the sinner. Honestly, I don't think I'm in any more of a position to throw stones at homosexuals than the Pharisees were to throw stones at the adulterous woman of fame in the Bible (John 8:7). Do I think that people are born homosexual? Actually, yes. I think people are born with homosexual tendencies the same way other people are born with quick tempers and others with an inclination for addiction. However, Christians are called to live above the temptations and callings of the flesh. While our bodies may be drawn to a lifestyle that differs from our spiritual calling, through the power of the Holy Spirit, we no longer have to live subject to sin (Romans 6).

So, back to the issue of homosexual marriage. My views on this subject are actually not entirely black and white. As a Christian, I believe that marriage is a sacred covenant that two people make with God. As such, I believe that the Biblical definition of marriage can only involve a man and a woman. On the other hand, as an American, I think the sacredness of marriage was lost a long time ago in our society. Our culture has disregarded the idea of marriage as a holy covenant. We see marraige as being all about another person rather than all about God. We see marriage as the next step in the relationship or a way to pubically declare our passion for a person rather than as an exercise in holiness. Our culture by and large has lost the true meaning of marriage because we've sacrified our spiritual life for materialism and hedonism. If you have any doubts that we have lost the idea of marriage as sacred, take a look at the divorce industry in the country (yes, industry). If marriage in our culture is no longer sacred, then should it really matter if we continue to move further away from the Biblical definition of marriage?

Certainly, I do not think the church should condone homosexual marriage. But I also do not think the church should condone unions between people who don't understand the nature of the covenant into which they are entering, regardless of the gender of the participants. An unpopular belief, no doubt, even among believers. If Christians want to fight to reclaim the sacredness of marriage, we need to start with a broader examination of the state of marriage in our society as a whole, rather than merely singling out one group as an easy target. By and large, Biblical marriage has been defiled for quite awhile even before the gender question entered into the equation. We need to go back and start where we have already been lax rather than suddenly putting our feet down in strict judgement now.

Live on Purpose

Each week I look for a quote to put on my field hockey practice schedule to motivate and inspire my girls. On the website I use, I stumbled upon the immortal words of Dolly Parton: "Find out who you are and do it on purpose." Not a quote that applies to field hockey, but these words spurred my thoughts about how we should all live.

For many of us, the first thought that comes to mind upon reading Dolly's words is, "But who am I?" Certainly, we cannot be who we are on purpose if we don't know who that is. Personally, I have searched inside and outside for a definition of myself. In my search, I have examined my personality, my strengths and weaknesses, and the way the world reacts to me. I have tried to define myself by friends, my activities, and my job. I have prayed, yes, but I have spent more time looking around me than I have looking up for the answer.

Looking around me has gotten me no closer to finding out who I am than I was before I started. Actually, my search has left me more confused at my complexities. I'm starting to believe that the only way for me to find out who I am is to ask the One who created me. Only my creator who "knit me together in my mother's womb" (Psalm 139:13) and has numbered every hair on my head (Matthew 10:30) can tell me unbiasedly and without question who I am. If I keep looking around me instead of up to Him, I will never find the answer, and therefore I will never be able to live my life purposefully. As Neil Anderson wrote in Who I am in Christ about our needs for acceptance and belonging in the world, "If we attempt to meet them independent of God, we are doomed to reap the dissatisfaction the self life brings." Amen.

Once we find out who we are in Him, we can begin living our lives on purpose. We can purposefully look for opportunties to use our spiritual gifts. We can purposefully practice mercy, forgiveness, love, and peace in order to glorify God. Jesus described God as the purpose of His life (John 14:28, MSG), and we are called to live with the same purpose (Ephesians 5:2, 1 John 4:17). Finding out who we are requires reading the Bible and praying about who God says we are. Doing it on purpose means consciously practicing the lifestyle that God calls us to in the Bible and through our prayers. Jesus knew who He was and lived it on purpose, may we do likewise.

Adventure Avoidance

So, if it's as easy as I wrote yesterday to live a life of adventure, then we aren't we all dropping our own wills and plans at the door and following Him for the excitement that He promises? I think the main reason is fear. We are scared of losing control. At least on a roller coaster we know how long our adrenaline rush will last and when it will be over. We are scared that we won't like His call on our lives. We may be bored with our lives now, but at least our routines are safer than the unknown. We don't trust God when He says He has good plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11). We may believe Satan's lie that we can create better lives apart from God and that God's plans for us really aren't all that exciting. We cling to our mundane lives because we like the security of routine and we're scared to let go of what we know, but we're missing out on the immeasurably better way.

I challenge anyone struggling with fear of God's plans to take a closer look at the lives of some of the great people in the Bible. Moses followed God's call, and he spent 40 years wandering in a desert. Boring? Not at all. He got to play a major role in the history of the Jewish people AND he got to witness some major miracles first hand. He heard God call to him from a burning bush (Exodus 3:4), he watched as God turned the staff in his hand into a snake (Exodus 4:4), he watched God send plagues on the Egyptians (Exodus 7-10), he watched as God parted the Red Sea for his people to cross (Exodus 14:21-22), he ate manna that God rained down from heaven (Exodus 16:4), and he held stone tablets in his hand that God had inscribed with the ten commandments (Exodus 31:18), and this is only a taste of the wonders that God worked in Moses's great adventure. The Bible is filled with stories of other men and women whom God blessed with amazing lives. As a small boy, David slew a giant no one else could kill with a single shot from his sling (1 Samuel 17:49). He later became king over all of Israel. Mary had the privilege of giving birth to Jesus, raising Him, and witnessing His ministry. Peter left his fishing boat to follow Jesus, and he saw Jesus heal countless people and feed thousands (Matthew 14:19). He got to walk on water with his Lord (Matthew 14:29) and he felt his Lord lift him up when he began to sink (Matthew 14:31). These are just four examples of many, many people in the Bible who lived the kind of lives of adventure that God has planned for His people.

God has great adventure unlike anything you can imagine in store for each of us. Yes, following Him can be scary, but isn't that the same reason people jump out of planes and ride roller coasters? Something in us craves the thrill of adventure. God created us like this on purpose. He is the source of the true and lasting adventure. And the best part is that because He knows us so intimately (Psalm 139:13), He knows exactly how to thrill us. God calls us to give Him all of our heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37) because following Him on the adventure He's got for us requires all that we are. This large call on us is scary, but the good news is that when we give God all of us, He gives us back even more. The adventure He gives us is bigger than us and bigger than what we can imagine (Ephesians 3:20). It's difficult and frightening, but living a life of coninuous adventure, a life that demands your all and requires that you cannot sleepwalk through it, is worth the highest price.

Adventure Seeking

I don't like roller coasters. I don't like having my body jerked around violently, and I don't like to feel like I'm staring death in the face. Blame it on my fear of heights or blame it on the one very bad experience I had on a carnival ride growing up, but I will not get on one of those crazy rides unless I'm dragged kicking and screaming, and even then I can only get through it by squeezing my eyes tightly shut and praying forcefully for protection and survival. In spite of my deep loathing for wild rides, I realize that I am in the minority. Look at how long people will wait in lines at amusement parks to try out the latest death trap ride. Look at how much amusement parks charge for a day of adventure and how many people willingly cough up the money for the freedom to take a few roller coster rides and wait in a few 2-3 hour long lines in the blazing hot sun. Most people like the thrill. And for some people, the adrenaline rush of a fast roller coaster is not enough. These are the people who go sky diving and base jumping in between amusement park visits.

While I certainly don't find fault with all the adventure seekers out there, and I even married one of them, I do sometimes wonder if there would be such widespread thrill seeking behavior if we were living more exciting lives. For some people, base jumping and roller coaster riding is fun because it's the only time they feel their pulse quicken and they long for more of that rush. When I look around, I see people sleep walking through life. We are bored with our jobs and our routines and our relationships so much that we seek escape from our doldrums in the extreme.

If we were living our lives by the Holy Spirit's leading, our lives would be anything but dull. Ask Paul or ask any of the apostles if following God's call on his life was boring or if they were ever at such a shortage for adventure that they had to create it artificially through a wild amusement park ride. Friends, walking with God His way is a far more wild ride than any steel loop-de-loop adventure you may seek for a quick and fleeing rush. If we sought His power and His will for our lives with the same enthusiasm as we seek man-made adventure, amusement parks may have to start lowering their admissions fees because we wouldn't need them as often. In following hard after God, we would get our adrenaline fixes in our daily lives.

In Ephesians 5:18-20 Paul writes:

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

In other words, getting high the way the world gets high is not going to do you any good nor is it doing any good for the Kingdom. If you want to lead a less boring life, let the Holy Spirit fill you and lead you and then you will truly find a reason to sing and praise His name. We can still go to amusement parks and base jump as often as we want, but we will no longer go to fill an excitement void in our lives because we will already have enough excitement to spare if we are walking closely with God and obeying His call.

Peace

Finally, brothers, good-bye. Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. --2 Corinthians 13:11

God has called us to lives of peace. That doesn't mean that in our fallen world there is never a reason to go to battle. The Bible is full of examples of war waged for holy reasons and we are mostly certainly called into battle every day on the spiritual level. What living in peace means is that as much as possible, we are to walk in harmony with one another, particularly with our brothers and sisters in church. Sadly, animosity and division often seem more prevelant in the church than peace and unity. This is not God's plan. God's plan is for peace among His people. Without thinking, we Christians hurt our witness to the world far more than cynics and atheists do when we walk with hostilty and agitation in our hearts instead of God's peace, love, and joy. We have to pick our battles, yes, but even more importantly, we have to remember who the enemy is. Our brothers and sisters are not the enemy, the lost are not our enemy, the guy who cut you off on the way to work this morning is not the enemy. Our enemy is Satan (1 Peter 5:8). He is crafty, he is a liar, and he is out for the destruction of God's people. He wants to use us against God, and he has no qualms about entering the church body to do so. In order to find the peace that God intends for us, we must be able to recognize the enemy and wage war against him rather than against each other. One of the key benefits of staying in the word and in prayer is that we can learn to recognize the voice of God and distinguish His voice from the voice of our enemy. Once we learn to recognize the truth, we find ourselves walking in it more often, and peace and unity become the natural side effects.

Wealth and Salvation

Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" "Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments." "Which ones?" the man inquired. Jesus replied, "'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself.'" "All these I have kept," the young man said. "What do I still lack?" Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

--Matthew 19:16-24

Friday night after we finished watching a movie, John began to channel surf and landed on VH1 where they were airing "The Fabulous Life Of: Insane Celebrity Real Estate '06". My first reaction was jealousy. I want a huge mansion with a spa and a water view! But then I realized that this reaction is exactly the problem with American materilism. The media pushes these images on us as "fabulous" to inspire our consumer lust and greed. Actually, Satan can use these images of exorbitant wealth to inspire in us all of the "seven deadly sins:" pride, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth. I certainly saw all seven over the few minutes that John lingered on the channel. Pride: what are these massive properties if not displays of pride? They scream out, look at what I'm worth, as if a person's value can only be measured by what can be seen. Lust: when people like me develop a burning desire to have what these celebrities have and when the money that paid for the property was bought by capitalizing on sexual lust, such as with the huge spread owned by the creator of Girls Gone Wild. Envy: certainly the first thing I felt and most people raised in America probaby feel when taking in these outrageous images. Gluttony: never having enough. And specifically connected to food, one celebrity has a cook on call 24/7 in case he or his guests get a 3am craving. Wrath: the anger that great displyas of wealth often inspire in the poor--the anger that drives them to rob and kill each other in the streets. Sloth: needing to have some on staff to pop your popcorn for you because you're too lazy to go to the microwave yourself, not to mention the constant physical pampering. And all of these sins wrap in pretty gold plated packages with the deluded belief that a person of wealth and stature is somehow entitled to indulge in these sins as often as his/her pampered heart desires because they've "earned" it or simply because they deserve it. Much to Satan's delight, we Americans eagerly feed right into this philosophy hoping that one day we will be the "lucky ones."

But Jesus doesn't consider these displays of wealth lucky at all. Yes, God can choose to bless people materially. Wealth in and of itself is not a sin. The since comes when wealth is misplaced on a person's priority list. The problem with the rich man in the parable Jesus tells is not that he has money; the problem is that his money is more important to him than anything else. Jesus does not deny that this man has steered clear of much temptation or that he has obeyed all of God's commandments. Jesus calls the man on what is number one in his heart. Even though an outsider may look at the man and think he's lived a righteous life, Jesus looks deeper. This man's heart is with his possessions first and foremost and with his Lord second. He may worship God with his actions, but the grief he feels at having to surrender his possessions shows that his heart does not line up with God's calling. True worship is an offering, a sacrifice for the One who gives all and to whom all returns. This man could follow the letter of the law, but not the heart of the law. The man asks Jesus what he lacks. His lack is not in material poverty, but in the poverty of a heart that clings more to this world than the next. Wealth itself is not a sin, but the hold that wealth tends to take on a person's heart and life is what destroys. The death grip of wealth is one of Satan's favorite tools to use on unassuming hearts in our culture. We see it in the daily rat race and no-holds-barred struggle to get to the top of the ladder, the billboards we pass on the way home, and in the entertainment we enjoy that takes us into a fantasy world of excess. Our country is full of the "Haves" from the world's perspective, but our empty hearts are counted has "Have Nots" from God's perspective. So that we are not consumed by the society that sometimes whispers and sometimes shouts "more...MORE!" at us, we must keep a firmer grasp on God's truth and His grace than we do on what we've built for ourselves. Keeping Him at the foundation and the pinnacle of our hearts is the only way for us to withstand the blows that Satan has so deeply embedded into our culture of materialism.

Be Still

This time last week John and I were riding bikes through Chincoteague with his parents. His parents were on their nice hybrid bikes that they brought with them from home; John and I were on cheesy one-speed former-rental bikes that we found underneath the house that John's parents had rented. Mine was hot pink with the words "Chinoteague Island Cruiser" imprinted on the frame next to a white sillouette of a pony. I kid you not. Fortunately, I fit right in with all the other tourists, including the surprising number of Amish people who were riding similar bikes with their traditional attire. While I've taken cycling classes at my gym quite recently, it's been a long while since I've actually been on a bike in the great outdoors. I forgot how much fun and freedom there is in having the wind in your face and the world wide open in front of you. I forgot the simple pleasure of movement for no purpose other than fun. As I was contemplating the lost days of carefree childhood, I started to wonder if life only became more complicated because I made it that way. Maybe I don't have to struggle so much to keep my head above water, maybe I can just lie on top of the waves and float. Maybe I don't have to fight against myself and everyone else. Maybe I don't have to be miserable all the time wondering what my purpose is. Maybe my purpose is just to be a child of the Creator of the wind and the waves and let go of my worries and frets about all the other whys and hows of life.

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." --Psalm 46:10

Complainers

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life--in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. --Philippians 2:14-16

I've held three different jobs since I finished college, and I've noticed something about office culture. Complainers seems seem to be drawn to each other like flies to flypaper. There is something about that negative spirit that draws other negative people into a circle with each other. These people gather by the water cooler in the break room and complain about their work, their bosses, their clients, their paychecks, etc., etc. It's so easy to get caught up in that pattern of complaint that the people in the complaining clique forget how to speak to each other about positive things. The negative energy that surrounds their complaints draws unsuspecting people into circle of griping and repels the positive but alert among the staff. I've watched it happen from the inside; I am a complainer.

Call it venting or shooting the breeze, but complaining is an addiction. Those who engage in it, develop a need to continue complaining just to get through the workday. We wouldn't know what to do if we didn't have each other to gripe to. We may shake with excess negative energy that we have no way to release into the atmosphere. We imagine that without the complaining outlet, we would have so much retained negativity that we will explode. Fortunately, it never comes to that because complainers are found in abundance in every office where I've worked, so there is always an outlet for griping.

Interestingly, I, like many of my fellow gripers, claim to be Christian even in the midst of all this complaining. An outsider would not know who I am. I get so caught up in the whining that I forget I'm called to a higher standard. I'm called to do everything without complaining, even the miserable task of working. I'm called to be different from the crooked and depraved generation in which I live. But as a complainer, I am the same. I'm called to shine like a star holding out the word of life rather than the word of complaint. It's hard to shine when a dark negative cloud follows you around for 8 hours a day. For the sake of my witness to the world, I must slough off the negativity from my mouth and be filled with God's word and God's spirit rather than complaints. Life is too short and my time here is too valuable for me to waste it with negativity, no matter how powerfully I'm drawn to the negative words I hear around me.

Heckler

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. --1 Peter 5:8

There is a student at my school who I sometimes I really think is a messanger of Satan. She has this thing where she sits in the lobby of the counseling office waiting for her counselor. When I walk out, she stops whatever she was doing or saying, follows me with her eyes and then starts laughing like a hyena when I walk away. It's happened more than once. I am almost twice her age, but whenever she does this, I want to punch her. I don't. I ignore her because I know she wants me to react, but I get back to my office fuming that someone could be so rude and wondering what is so laughable about me? Even though I shouldn't let her, she gets me angry and frustrated. She is like all of my childhood social trauma reincarnate and back to make me feel incompetent and worthless all over again. And because she reminds me of my childhood, I want to react like a child. I want to call her stupid, and certainly much worse, but the part of me that remembers my age and position doesn't want her to know she has any effect on me at all.

Even if this student doesn't know it, Satan is using her to make me want to walk away from any good that I may be doing at my job. He's using her to throw me off track, and on days like today when I'm exhausted before this girl even begins her heckling. Satan knows when I am at my weakest and he places the pieces on the board that are most apt to make me believe his lies at the time that I'm most apt to be receptive. Sometimes he gets the best of me, but as a challenging as it is and as hurtful as his ploys are, I must stand firm in the power of the Lord. I must be alert and ready for the enemy's attacks, knowing that the attacks will most certainly come. As I'm standing firm, I must remember who I am and who I am not. Satan is filled with lies (John 8:44) and distortions. If I believe his perception of who I am, I am believing a lie and then I am no better off than those who laugh at others' expense. The closer I am to seeing the truth, the more powerful the attacks against me will get because Satan is afraid he's losing his grip. Someone once said to me during a particularly difficult season of my life, "Don't let him win." I vowed to her that I would not, and I stand by that vow today even though I had to use everything I have this afternoon to overcome the temptation to give in to my anger and hurt feelings. I am certainly not going to let a heckler be the one who takes me down. Let her laugh. I know who I am in Christ and that is all that matters.

Selfish Ambition

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. --Philippians 2:1-4

I wrote about the verses immediately following these in Philippians 2 last week in relation to attitude. Today, I want to focus on motivation. Attitude is how we do something, motivation is why we do something. God pays attention to both and frequently refers to motivation--what is in the heart--throughout His word. Both of these areas are difficult to bring into submission to Christ. These verses are pretty clear about what our motivation for all our thoughts, words, and deeds should be. We should be driven by the same spirit and purpose that Christ had--to bring glory to God and to further His kingdom. This means, throwing our selfishness aside and putting others ahead of ourselves. Talk about a contradiction to the American way! In our culture, we're taught to make sure our needs our met, to be true to ourselves rather than to be true to our God. This motivation is so ingrained in many of us that many times we don't even realize that we are being selfish. We're taught that if we don't look out for number one, no one will. The problem is that we consider number one to be ourselves when the Bible clearly states that we should put others ahead of ourselves and that the only number one we should have in our lives is God himself (see commandment number one). Rather than subscribing to the American philosophy of self, we are called to subscribe to the Christian philosophy of God's purpose and plan to love others more than ourselves and to serve others before ourselves. Think today about how different your life would look if you put these verses into practice. Think about how as your motivation changes, your attitude, thoughts, words, and deeds would also begin to align more closely with God's word. Think about the power the church would have to change this world if we were all of the same purpose--God's purpose--instead of for selfish ambition.

Kill 'Em With Kindness

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. --Philippians 2:5-7

Apparently, I have an attitude problem. At least according to some of the people I work with. I won't deny it: they're right. If someone gets an attitude to me or talks to me in a way that is disrespectful, I do get an attitude back. I don't see why I should have to put up with poor treatment. I have the American attitude that I deserve respect. It's all blind pride and the sense of entitlement that comes from having too much pride. No matter how I think things should be in my life and interpersonal relations, the fact is that I won't always get the respect my pride thinks I deserve. But to please God with my attitude, I need to learn to be nice even when I'm not being treated nicely. Jesus treated everyone with dignity and respect, even those who mocked Him. Even though he was God, Jesus was humble. I who am so much less than God struggle with humility every day. It's so difficult for me to overcome my sense of entitlement that comes from my unmerited pride that I don't know how to respond kindly to cruelty. I don't know how to love the way Jesus loved when my heart is so prideful and self-righteous. I may be a trained counselor, but when the offense is coming my way, I lose all sense of empathy and react on my own hurt feelings. I get defensive and lose the opportunity to be a good witness. The only why I can provide a consistently positive witness is if I let Jesus wash away my pride, no matter how ingrained it may feel. Like Jesus, I need to learn to be humble enough to love the unloveable and to overcome the urge to retaliate no matter how many slings and daggers they throw my way. I have a feeling this cleansing is going to sting, maybe so much that I beg God to stop. I'll have to stay focused hard on the goal--to leave me with a less human and more Christ-like attitude so that I can do better work for the Kingdom.

Comfort Others

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. --2 Corinthians 1:3-4

We walked in slowly to the house where they had just removed the body of John's beloved grandfather. Most of his family was already there. We expected to find weeping, but instead we found a circle of prayer. Heads bowed, hands joined, peace on each brow as words of praise instead of mourning were sent up to our Heavenly Father. We looked at each other briefly and joined in the circle. After the prayer, the family began to sing the full version of Amazing Grace before breaking up the circle.

Once the circle broke, John's widowed grandmother rushed across the room to me and took my hand in hers. She knew of the many losses I have been through that John and most of his family had been spared thus far. She looked into my eyes and whispered, "You know. You've been through this. No body else understands." I hugged her tightly with the empathy of a person who has survived the same fire. Even in the joy of a Christian's passing, in our human fraility we still need permission to mourn. Sometimes our Father uses our warm flesh to give comfort to others in the same way that He's used others to comfort us.

For Love of Money

"Money is like everything. Money is like sex. It's like food. They're all manifestations of God. They're blessings that we get, but they're not what are going to make us happy. They're not real. They don't last. There's only one thing that lasts, and that's your soul. And if you don't work on that, and you don't pay attention to that, then all the money in the world is not going to help you." --Madonna

Madonna is certainly one who has had enough money to know very well both its power and its emptiness. I don't know that I agree that money is a manifestation of God, that strikes me as a little overboard even though I agree that God can choose to bless us finanacially and materially. I do, however, agree with the essence of Madonna's statement. Money is nice to have, but money is no substitute for a right spirit, for living with, through, and for God.

My struggle is that as much as I agree with these sentiments, I still find myself caught up the American way of keeping up with the Joneses. I want the big house that we cannot afford, I want the new clothes that I don't need, I want the freedom to travel and eat out and live beyond my means. Even though I may know on some level that these things don't fulfill, I am still generally brainwashed by a culture that tells me not only do these things bring fulfillment, but they pave the only road to happiness. I know I'm not the only one in our culture caught up in the cycle of unecessary want.

Our many wants demonstrate a very big need. We need fulfillment. Madonna is right, we won't find that with money (or with any other man-made substance). In fact, money has quite the opposite effect from fulfillment. The more money we get, the more money we want. We think we'll be satisfied with just a little more, but when we get that, we realize that we are still empty, so we set the bar a little higher. We think that the only reason our god money hasn't fulfilled us is because we still need more. But Madonna, someone who has more than enough money, indicates that her obscenely high net worth has primarily taught her that net worth doesn't matter at all.

So what does matter? What does fulfill? Solomon asks this question over and over in the book of Ecclesiastes. Like Madonna, he had a high value by society's superficial and materialistic standards, but he found that no matter how much he had, he still felt empty. I believe that God included Ecclesiastes in the Bible for a very specific reason. He knew that thousands of years later, we would still need to learn the same lesson that Solomon learned. God created us with an emptiness that needs filling on purpose, and He wants us to recognize that we cannot produce or provide for our own fulfillment. He gave us the ache of always wanting more because He wants us to turn to Him as the Source (John 7:37-39).

Brainwashing by society won't hold much water as a plea before God when He asks why I lived with such a preoccupation for the material. Paul writes in Galatians 6:5 and 8, "we are each responsible for our own conduct.... Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful desires will harvest the consequences of decay and death. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit." Living first for money and then for Him is a choice that we make, and God will hold us responsibile for that choice. God does not accept second place in our lives. True followers of God need not be destitute, and some may in fact be quite well-off financially. But whatever their socio-economic status, true followers of God need to keep money in its rightful place--as a blessing--and keep God in His right place--on the throne. Nothing less will lead us to true life (John 4:4-26).

Mental Obedience

God wants to reign in your mind. Not by force, and not in the negative, brainwashing, never-have-a-thought-of-your-own kind of way. God gave us minds with the ability to reason and think logically for a reason. He wants to have a genuine relationship with all of our parts, and He can't do that if we just blindly accept what we're told without questioning and getting genuine with Him in terms of the thoughts in our minds. At the same time that God wants us to use our minds to think, He also wants us to know that He cares about the nature of the thoughts we think.

For many of us, our thoughts are not very nice. And we justify our not-so-nice thoughts and negative attitudes by telling ourselves that it's not wrong/sinful to think bad things as long as we don't act on them. But that false belief does not line up with God's word. In fact, In Colossians 1:21, we're told that we were once "his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions" [emphasis mine]. Logically speaking: Wrong thoughts can cause separation from God. Sin is that which separates us from God. Therefore, wrong thoughts are sin.

When we become Christians, we are called to change our ways so that our lives match up with our beliefs. Paul writes in Ephesians 4:21-23, "Since you have heard all about him and have learned the truth that is in Jesus, throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes." Look carefully at verse 23. In order for us to throw off our evil ways, our thoughts and attitudes--that stuff that happens in our minds--must be spiritually renewed. In life, most of what we do and say starts in our mind. If we our minds are in the wrong place, that's the first step towards our words/actions/lives being in the wrong place. Think of old cartoons when a character is deliberating between a good choice and a bad choice with a little devil whispering thoughts in one ear and a little angel whispering thoughts in the other ear. That may be a funny image, but it is fairly respresentative of how we first think in our minds and then act on what we think. If we give evil a sounding board in our minds, evil will eventually sound right. In the same way, when we "Fix [our] thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise" (Philippians 4:8), then we speack/act/live accordingly.

Ensuring that our thoughts are honorable to God requires some active thinking on our parts. When thoughts come into our head, we can choose to place them into the "good" category or the "rubbish" category. We should hold onto the thoughts in the "good" category, and we should either disregard or reframe the thoughts in the "rubbish" caegory. This process is how "We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5b, NCV). If we let our thoughts run amuk without any checks and balances to keep them in line with the truth, then they are likely to wander into the enemy's territory and our words/actions/lives will soon follow. On the other hand, if we take ownership over our thoughts and choose to give them to God's purposes, then God will transform our thoughts and attitudes and therefore our words/actions/lives.

Having said all of that, our will alone is not enough to effect this change of thinking. Rules and self-discipline "have no effect when it comes to conquering a person's evil thoughts and desires" (Colossians 2:23). But fortunately for us, where our will and actions fail, the Holy Spirit's power succeeds. That is why in Ephesians 4:21-23 quoted above, the spiritual renewal of our thoughts comes after we've heard about Jesus and accepted His truth. Once we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, God fills us with His Holy Spirit so that the transformation in Ephesians 4 can take place. God is a gentleman and won't influence our thoughts without our permission. Moreover, because of the free will that God wants us to have so that He can have a genuine relationship with each of us, even once we've accepted Him, He still won't control our minds. We have to let His Holy Spirit empower us to submit our thoughts to Him. This is a day-to-day and moment-to-moment process rather than a one-time brain changing. We serve God fullest when we give Him our thoughts along with the rest of us, but like the rest of our walks, it's a choice we have to consciously and continuously make along our journey.

Live Intentionally

So I run straight to the goal with purpose in every step. --1 Corinthians 9:26a

God's been showing me lately that the Christian life is one that we must choose each day to live with intention. It's not something that happens for us once we're saved; it's something we have to work at daily. Paul describes it as "purpose in every step." Our spiritual and life walks must be about intention and focus, because if we aren't careful, we could miss our purpose and wind up playing for the wrong team (see 1 Peter 5:8). Christians sometimes make the mistake in evangelizing of implying to the rest of the world that walking with God is a walk in the park. It's not, and God never said it would be. We have to pursue spiritual growth with dilligence in order to align our walks with God's will. If we aren't being fed by the Word, prayer, and fellowship with other believers, we are likely to lose our focus and walk aimlessly. God wants to lead us, but we must choose to follow. God has a purpose for each step we take, but we must choose to seek His purpose and obey His calling on our lives each day.

Triumph

For every child of God defeats this evil world by trusting Christ to give the victory. --1 John 5:4

I rediscovered this verse this week when I looked it up for a Bible study I am doing. Even though I have read through the Bible several times, what I love about the Good Book is that verses can still hit me as if I have never seen them before at all. The words are alive and God can make them new again to me.

This world is evil. There are no doubts about that and America is no exception. Murder, violence, robbery, sex crimes, adultery, and general sin abound. We have even nicknamed a popular US city as "Sin City" and this moniker does not seem to deter business in that area. We are not afraid of sin anymore because we no longer have the reverence for God that people once widely held. Many of us actually knowingly embrace sin as our personal rebellion. People may not like to talk about it, but God sees our sin and it hurts His heart. It also hurts His heart to see His own children giving into the evil of the world in areas of their lives.

We are all fallen creatures living in a fallen world, but God has given His children the power to overcome the world through Christ. Victory is ours--our gift from God by His grace when we accept Him into our hearts--if we believe it and accept it. By our own power, we have no victory over the evil of the world. But God is stronger than sin, no matter how widespread sin is since God has also seen fit to give us free will to rebel if we choose. If we accept who we are in Christ, sin no longer has a hold on us and no longer has to rule in our lives.

Certainly a difficult feat to put into practice if we are not constantly focused on God and constantly in His word. Since sin is all around us, we would have to walk around with bags over our heads and ear plugs in our ears to avoid temptation altogether. God's goal, however, is not to keep us isolated from temptation, but rather to test and try us so that we become stronger spiritually and can resist the temptation in front of us through God's power working in us. We are to live in the world (as fallen as it is) but we are not to become like the world. And God has given us His spirit so that we can overcome the ways of the world through His grace.

I'll say it again: victory is already ours. Christ won it for us on the cross. But if we don't accept it, we cannot harness the power to overcome the evil that surrounds us. If we don't start living like the battle is already won (which it is, both now and in the long haul, see Revelations), we will either become frustrated and despairing at our inevitable failings or we will take the approach that the rest of the world takes--give up and sin because it's just easier that way. When we accept Christ and become His children, God sets us apart from the rest of the world even as we walk around in it. Let's start living as people set apart.

In Good Company

One of my favorite promises in the Bible is God's promise to be with us. It's simple, but also grand. The God of the universe promises not just to take care of the big picture, but also to be with us in every moment. We are never alone because He is always there. What comfort for those of us who feel let down by other people! This promise is repeated several times in God's word because it is so important in God's plan for each of us. In Genesis 26:24, God says to Isaac, "I am the God of your father, Abraham. Do not be afraid, for I am with you and will bless you." Isaiah 41:10 reads, "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." He repeats "Do not be afraid, for I am with you" in Isaiah 43:5. And Jesus tells His followers in Matthew 28:20, "I am with you always, even to the end of the age." We don't have to go through anything by ourselves. When we asked Jesus into our hearts, He came in and set up residence. I may feel let down and abandoned by other people, but Jesus will not let me down or abandon me. God tells us not to be afraid. His presence is our comfort and our assurance. Not only assurance for eternity, but also assurance for the here and now that come what may, He is by our sides. "God equips those He calls" is a popular catch phrase in the modern Christain community. Part of the equipping process is as simple as Him showing up and walking through our battles with us. It's infinitely helpful for me to know that He's with me. When I feel like I can't do something on my own, I am encouraged to know that I don't have to. No human being can make this promise of constant and unfailing companionship. But God can do what humans can't, and this promise is one He continuously meets for those who know Him.

Continuing Battle

Try as I may to have a positive attitude, I don't like my job. This is not easy for me given that I just spent my life savings and a whole bunch of time and energy earning a degree that would specifically qualify me for this job. I talk to God about my frustration and disappointment with work a lot, and last night after reading a passage in the beginning of the Old Testament, it hit me again. I don't have to like my job. The idea that we have to like our jobs, in fact, seems to me to be a very recent cultural phenomenom to me. In Biblical times, liking what you do to earn your wages wasn't even addressed. People were either rich or they were laborers, and labor meant hands-on work like carpentry, farming, harvesting, and household servitude. No laborer carried around some sense of entitlement that he should enjoy his labor. Labor was a given, like brushing your teeth in modern society. You don't have to enjoy it, but you do it anyway.

In modern times, people see work as more than just a means of financial provision. Work has become a place where we seek fulfillment. This could be because of higher education. As more and more people earn degrees, they are told at their colleges to follow their hearts/dreams/bliss and study what they are passionate about, regardless of what they think will earn them a substantial income. Furthermore, as more women have leapt into the workforce in the last 40 years, the working population is bigger and people are picking and choosing their jobs more and more based on personal interest. With the genesis of career counseling last century, it's only natural that a sense of entitlement would develop where people think they need a job that fulfills them because they spend so much time there and no one "deserves" to be unhappy or dissatisfied.

But while these ideals are lovely in theory, in actuality, many of us are wrestling with job dissatisfication just because these ideals exist and we think we deserve satisfaction. But job satisifaction is not a Biblical promise. Not that long ago, I wrote about purpose on this site. Let me tell you, recognizing that God cares less about what I do and more about how I do it is only part of the battle for me because I am still fighting against society's idea that I should like what I do, that I deserve to like what I do. God told me again last night, it's not about me. I don't have a "right" to job fulfillment, no matter what my own guidance counselor may have said. It's not about my fulfillment. It's about me going to wherever I work and working my heart out as if God is my boss. In Colossians 3:23, Paul writes, "Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." I need to emphasize this to myself--"at whatever you do." Work is another way for me to show my love for and faith in God; it is not a way for me to seek personal fulfillment. If I find personal fulfillment, that's a bonus, but that's not what work is about no matter what our self-seeking culture would try to tell me.

So now that I've had another revelation, is this battle over in my life? Probably not. I still expect to face the daily challenge of overcoming the brainwashing that's been a lifetime in the making. I still think I should not be miserable at work, but Paul tells me that I have a choice about my attitude no matter what my job happens to be. If I am working cheerfully, then my job does not matter because my heart is where it needs to be. My heart is still somewhat wrapped up in the work I do, but it should be entirely wrapped up in whom the work is for rather than what the work is. According to Paul, the work is for God, and as a love and faith offering to Him, I need to do it with a smile even when I'd rather lock myself in my office and weep.

Purpose

I have a plaque in my office that reads, "May you live all the days of your life." To me, this is a reminder to enjoy life and be present in each moment so that I can make the most of my limited time here. The problem is, I find that difficult to do when I spend so many hours of the day at work and I cannot seem to find a job that is a good fit. I am reading Kelly Minter's book, Water into Wine. She reflects about her own career and mentions that her sister loves the 9 to 5 schedule whereas she herself perfers more flexibility in her schedule. For Minter, 9 to 5 seems like a prison. I can kind of relate to where she's coming from. One aspect of my current job that I like is that I can usually leave work when it is still light outside, even in the winter. At my last job, this was not the case. But even so, I feel like it is complete drudgery for me to have wake up at the same time every day, go through basically the same routine, and go to sleep only to have it all start over again. It's for this reason that I often fantasize about becoming a famous writer and making my own hours (never mind the lack of realism in such a fantasy for someone who lacks the talent). What interests me about Minter's story, however, is that she says even with her artsy job and odd hours, she still often feels like her life is "stale." This is a wake-up call for me and my silly fantasies that somehow life would be great if I was my own boss and could make my own hours. Life can still seem stale and old even if I am doing exactly what I want to do. So this leaves me with the same conclusion that I come to over and over again--anything that I do will leave me empty, only God has the power to fulfill me. As far as what this means for me in terms of a career, I am not sure. I may spend my whole life bouncing around or I may figure out where I belong. I have prayed about where I belong since high school when I was first trying to figure out what to tell colleges my future plans entailed. And I still don't have a clear answer. But maybe in my life God isn't as concerned with what I do for a living as He is with how I do it. Or maybe He is concerned with the what, too, but it is not time for the what to be made clear. I am impatient, but His patience is infinite and His timing is certainly different that what mine would be. For my situation right now, it is probably best if I switch my daily focus to the how and continue to seek His will for the what. Part of living every day of my life means letting God move me when I am uncertain of where to move myself.

Let go

“If you surrendered to the air, you could ride it.” --Toni Morrison

I have a hard time with the whole "Let go and Let God" concept. It's not that I don't believe that it's the best thing to do, but I have a hard time putting it into practice. I don't think I am necessarily a control freak, but there is a part of me that likes to pretend I have a grip on things and that there is stability in my life. But really, I don't and there isn't. None of do and there isn't any in anyone's life. Any feeling of stability is an illusion. We have no control over anything and even our strongest bearings can be yanked out from under us without our consent or a warning.

We dream because we need to hold onto the hope that life can be unstressful, happy, beautiful, and perfect. We dream because we know that we have on this earth is never going to fully be any of these things. We dream because we want something to look forward to. And God says we can have something to look forward to, but we have to be looking for the right thing. Tomorrow on planet earth has never been a gaurantee. We fool ourselves if we think otherwise.

In the meantime, we think that we can uncover the "secret to success" or happiness or whatever else we think we want. We think that we can find this secret if we only try hard enough and search deep enough. But we search in the wrong places and we try when we should be letting go. Jesus said that apart from Him we can do nothing. Sure, we can function, but we can't do anything spectacular. Spectacular comes when we let go and let God do His work, not when we get in His way by trying to do it ourselves. Medicority is when we move on our own; spectacular is when we let God move us.

But accepting all this intellectually, I still cling to my will as if it is worth something. I cling to my will as if it can change my life. But if I am to spend any time riding the air, doing the spectacular, I must let go of my will instead of clinging to it. Power is not in a tight grip on the status quo or even a tight grip on my dreams of what life on the other side of the status quo might be; power is in surrender.